Jack Boice
Billing information
Ring name(s)
Height 6 ft. 0 in.
Weight 234 lb.
Born {{{born}}}
Hometown Flag of the United States Walla Walla, Washington
Theme music "Jizz In My Pants" by The Lonely Island
Brand(s) {{{brand}}}
Previous federations Full Metal Wrestling
Wrestling information
Alignment Face
Wrestling style Ultraviolent
Finisher(s) {{{finisher}}}
Will • Only use Baby as weapon
• Talk to his penis, Mr. Happy
• Get hit in the testicles
Won't • Hit on a woman
• Get laid
Professional career
Debut October 24, 2007 (Ultimatum)
Record 5-6
Accomplishments FMW Television Champion

Jack Boice (born July 23, 1978) was an American professional e-wrestler and former butt model. He wrestled on the Anarchy brand of Full Metal Wrestling (FMW), where he was a former FMW Television Champion.

Boice is most notably known for his schizophrenic transference disorder, which made him believe he could converse with inanimate objects, such as a steel chair that he affectionately named Baby. More recently, Boice had begun taking career advice from his own talking penis, who called himself Mr. Happy.


Debut at Ultimatum

In October 2007, Jack Boice signed with Full Metal Wrestling with dreams of winning the FMW Ultraviolent Championship. Boice made his in-ring debut on October 24, 2007, during the opening match of the Ultimatum pre-show. Boice participated in a 16-man over-the-top-rope battle royal, where Boice's romantic relationship with a steel chair became publicly known. Affectionately naming the chair Baby, Boice brought his lover chair into the ring on several occasions, using "her" to generate much of his offense. Boice won the match after using Baby to connect a Pacifier on VanGuard, then eliminated him by throwing him over the top rope to gain the victory.

After the Original Sin's shocking formation at the conclusion of Ultimatum, FMW owner and Original Sin mastermind Jaro announced that NEW would fold, with all NEW stars being drafted to one of FMW's three unique brands; Alchemy, Anarchy, and the newly formed Anxiety. During the Underground Rookie Draft, Boice was drafted by Anarchy with the second overall pick. Later in the night, Boice would lose to the first overall pick, Anxiety's Skyler Striker in a triple threat match that also involved Alchemy's first overall pick, Shoop.

It wasn't long until FMW fans began to cheer the bizarre relationship that Boice and Baby had for each other. The cheers of the fans also made Boice an enemy of Original Sin, and their plans of federation supremacy. It wasn't long until Boice sided with The Resistance.

Feud versus Christian G. Smitten

Boice made his Anarchy debut at Anarchy 5.2 when he interrupted Original Sin's attorney-at-law, Christian G. Smitten, who was addressing the status of his Gold Card that he won at Ultimatum. In front of his daughter Kelsey, Boice beat Smitten out of the ring, then began humping Baby in the middle of the ring. Outraged at such vulgar behavior displayed in front of his daughter, Smitten vowed to outlaw man-on-chair relationships in FMW.

At Death Row, Boice and Baby faced C.G. and Kelsey Smitten in an intergender tag team match. Despite Boice and Baby's ultraviolent offense, Smitten dashed Boice's dreams of marrying Baby in an FMW ring when Smitten pinned Boice after hitting the Gavel Drop, effectively banning Baby from FMW forever.

With Baby banned from FMW, Boice's schizophrenic conversations with Baby outside of wrestling turned for the worse. Before a one-on-one Ultraviolent Championship opportunity against Jaro, Baby dumped Boice and left him for nothing. At Anarchy 6.1, Jaro defeated the Baby-less Boice in his own ultraviolent environment. With no Baby, Boice fell into a downward spiral of depression.

Mr. Happy Gets Upset

Because of his Death Row loss to Smitten, Boice was forced into regulatory mental thereapy sessions, thanks to Smitten's fine print in their match's contract. During a trip to the bathroom however, Boice's career began to straighten itself out.

While urinating in the men's restroom, Boice's penis began to converse with him. Calling himself Mr. Happy, his Gilbert Gottfried-like voice gave Boice valuable career advice and told him to turn his challenges into opportunities. Taking Mr. Happy's wisdom to heart, Boice picked up his first win in eight months after defeating Janus Flare at Anarchy 6.3 to qualify for the Mount Vesuvius Match.

During the match, Original Sin co-founder and Anarchy general manager Saint Michael Dreamkiller came out to the ring with X, his FMW Television Championship pet. Dreamkiller revealed that he captured Baby since their break-up. After Boice foiled Dreamkiller's plans for the night, Dreamkiller granted Boice a shot at X's Television Championship at Supremacy, giving him the chance to win Baby back. But lose, and Baby would be melted into a padlock for X's cage. The strategy by Dreamkiller proved fatal, because during their match at Supremacy, Boice was able to grab Baby and hit the Pacifier on X, then pinned him to become the new FMW Television Champion.

In wrestling

  • Finishing and signature moves
    • Jackpot (Dazed opponent crotch sits on top turnbuckle, Boice runs up ropes with a Buff Blockbuster variation, but instead opponent's head cracks backward to the top ringpost)
    • Temper Tantrum (Springboard Jericho Lionsault where Boice lands his knees into gut of opponent)
  • Moveset
    • Shining Wizard Kamikaze Dropkick
    • Top Rope Kamikaze Dropkick
    • Suicide Dive
    • 450 Splash
    • Fosbury Flop
    • Springboard Moonsault
    • Bloodrush DDT
    • Tornado DDT
    • STO
    • Electric Chair
    • German Suplex
    • Brainbuster
    • Spear
    • Frankensteiner
    • Buff Blockbuster
  • Signature weapon
  • With Baby
    • Pacifier (Boice tosses Baby to kneeling opponent, who catches Baby, then gets a Shining Wizard kamikaze dropkick to the kisser)
    • Googoo Gaga (While opponent is kneeling or dazed, Boice directs a horizontally folded Baby with her bottom rung into opponent's jugular or face. Boice will then kamikaze dropkick his feet into the top of the chair, forcing the bottom rung of the chair to guillotine opponent's neck of throat)
    • Rock-A-Bye Baby (Sits opponent on Baby, then Boice STOs opponent with Baby as a cushion)
    • Guillotine (Sticks the top edge of Baby to throat of opponent, then Boice slams opponent's head down so that Baby hits the ground while guillotining opponent’s throat against the top edge of Baby)
    • Temper Tantrum (Springboard Lionsault from the middle rope, where Boice uses Baby to land his knees into the gut of the opponent)
    • Eye-poke using one of Baby's feet
    • Chair shots
  • Nicknames
    • Jackoff
    • The Baby Wielding Maniac

Championships and accomplishments

Match history

Result Record Winner(s) Loser(s) Event Date Notes Score
zLoss 5-6 Mass Caesar Jack Boice (c) Circus Maximus 16 October 2008 Lost FMW Television Championship 8.10
zWin 5-5 Jack Boice (c) Steve-E Taylor, Slegnadamus, and Westley McGreggor Anarchy 7.1 22 September 2008 Retained FMW Television Championship 7.89
zWin 4-5 Jack Boice (c) Crazy Ash Killa Lethal Injection 10 August 2008 Retained FMW Television Championship 8.37
zWin 3-5 Jack Boice X (c) Supremacy 21 July 2008 Won FMW Television Championship 8.28
zWin 2-5 Jack Boice Janus Flare Anarchy 6.3 22 June 2008 Mount Vesuvius Qualifying match 8.15
zLoss 1-5 Jaro (c) Jack Boice Anarchy 6.1 21 April 2008 FMW Ultraviolent Championship match N/A
zLoss 1-4 C.G. and Kelsey Smitten Jack Boice and Baby Death Row 19 March 2008 Tag team match 8.48
zLoss 1-3 C.G. Smitten and X Jack Boice and The Wickedness Anarchy 5.4 21 February 2008 Tag team match N/A
zLoss 1-2 Jaro (c) and Nick Bryson Jack Boice, C.G. Smitten, Romeo Vizzini, James McDaygo, Mark Johnson, and Trey Spruance Anarchy 5.3 24 January 2008 15-Minute Massacre for the FMW Ultraviolent Championship N/A
zLoss 1-1 Skyler Striker Jack Boice and Shoop Underground Rookie Draft 27 November 2007 Triple Threat match 8.73
zWin 1-0 Jack Boice 15 NEW Stars Ultimatum 24 October 2007 16-man Battle Royal 4.23
Promo score is a rating which ranges from 0.0 to 10.0, the latter being the highest. Promos are judged to determine the better promo between e-wrestling competitors.

External links

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