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Noah Retro
[[Image:|140pxpx|Image of Noah Retro]]
Statistics
Real name Retro
Ring Names {{{names}}}
Height 5'5
Weight 205 lbs.
Date of birth February 19, 1979
Place of birth
Date of death
Place of death
Resides Braddock, TX
Billed from Hayesville, NC
Trainer
Current
federation(s)
WNWA
Previous
federation(s)
{{{previous_efeds}}}
Handled by
Win/Loss Record {{{winloss_record}}}
Debut 2007
Retired {{{retired}}}

Noah Retro is an American professional wrestler, janitor, registered sex offender, handyman, confectioner and children's librarian currently wrestling for the WNWA.

History

Not much is known on Retro's early life other than he is a registered sex offender and likes to wear multi-colored shirts and out of date glasses. Retro made his WNWA debut in an interview with Ed Donaldson on a January 2007 edition of WNWA Wrestling. His in-ring debut came against Rabbi Rage at February Free For All in which he lost by disqualification due to interference from Lo Hung Schlong.

Retro started a feud with Jabbajaw and The Guardian after attempting to molest some children at Braddock County Public Library. When confronted by the strange couple, Retro threw "Cummy Bears" in the face of Jabbajaw and made his escape. The two faced off at Memorial Day Massacre with Jabbajaw scoring a squash victory.

In May 2007, BCPL Director Kelly Millis shocked the library community by hiring the high school drop-out Retro as Librarian III-Children's Library Supervisor. This action prompted condemnation from the American Library Association and the Texas Library Association. Millis countered the criticism by saying that "BCPL needs a man who can touch the lives of the children of Braddock County."

Personal Life and views

  • Retro used to clean up the property at Hanging Dog Campground in nearby Parker, TX. He still cleans the men's restrooms at all the local rest areas.
  • Retro is a bit of a confectioner as his candy called "Cummy Bears" are a big hit among children in the Braddock area.
  • Children's Library manager Noah Retro has published two children's books. The first is entitled Why is the Snow Yellow? Answers to the Questions All Parents Should Know, published by Pedo Press. Library director Kelly Millis said that "I am so proud of Noah's contribution to the literature on children's issues, especially the exploration of their sexual feelings in regards to adults they trust." Retro's second book, published by BCPL, is Why Your Wee-Wee Grows Bigger When I Touch It: An Illustrated Guide to Sexual Maturity and Feelings.


Trivia

  • Has been convicted of four counts of indecent liberties with a minor (boy).
  • Hands out his famous homemade "Cummy Bears" to the adolescents at ringside, and to children attending storytime at BCPL.
  • Retro uses Pete Townshend's "Rough Boys" as his entrance music.

Moveset

  • Finishing and signature moves
  • PedoPlunge (top rope powerbomb into a pin with a fellatio feint)
  • Pedopile 69 (Inverted tombstone piledriver in which he bounces around before delivering the final blow making it appear that he and his opponent are engaging in mutual oral sex)
  • Want some candy? (suckers opponent in and then nails with a low blow or a thumb to the eye)
  • Regular moves
  • Clothesline
  • Shoulder breaker

Disclaimer

Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Images

Metro dnc fundraiser

Retro roaming the stacks at Braddock County Public Library at Halloween looking for "victims"

Kelly

Kelly Millis, director of BCPL and a close friend of Retro. It is alleged that Millis gave Retro his family recipe for "Cummy Bears".

Metrobears

Retro's Cummy Bears.

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