Stallions Historical Match
[Cut to the announcer's booth at ringside, where Lady Veronica and Maxwell Stewart are seated. Max has leaped ahead a few decades, though is still way behind current fashion, as he wears a pair of ripped jeans, a red leather jacket, a torn T-shirt, and one white glove. If Michael Jackson were an old white man, and not a young white man, he would be seated at the UEW commentator's booth. Beside him, stunning in a spaghetti-strapped black dress is the lovely Lady Veronica.]
Lady Veronica: Max, what the hell are you wearing?
Maxwell Stewart: Hey, just trying to be hip. I went to this store, and the guy said this is what all the young kids were wearing. And hey, no one wants to fit in more than me!
LV: Oh brother. I don't even want to get into it with you.
MS: Yeah, I am way too much of a real man for you. You better stick to those New Establishment goofs.
LV: I wouldn't let Alex hear you say that. But anyway. On taps now should be an exciting match. It will be a three way tag team match.
MS: Tag teams? God no, what did I do to get this assignment? I'd rather watch Doc Holliday at a spelling bee!
LV: Be quiet Max. The three teams will be The much talked about Mystery Team, who have been on a tear through UEW for months. And then there is Steel Cage, newcomers who have made a huge splash already.
MS: And who could forget the Stallions!
LV: Indeed, the Stallions are among the teams that can be called "UEW Legends." They joined the Lethal Leaders, the Outlaws, Havoc, and the Explosion as architects of what is often considered the strongest tag team division in any federation today. The Stallions have been out of action for some time, but one has to think that Mr. Z has them ready to conquer the world, one more time.
MS: And besides, Mr. Z is rich! Have you ever been to his place in the Hamptons?
LV: Max, I used to be in the New Alliance. Of course I've been there.
MS: Yeah, but have you ever been in the hot tub, surrounded by half naked girls and...
LV: MAX! THE CENSORS!!!
MS: Oh fine... let's go to the ring.
Rick "the Ring" Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen... the next contest is a triple threat elimination tag team match. Last team standing are the winners!
[Huge fan pop!]
[With no music, the Mystery Team will hit the stadium. The crowd boos loudly as they begin walking to the ring. There is obviously something fishy going on, as Mystery Man 1 is not nearly as big as he normally is. The man coming out first is only around 6'5", 4 or 5 inches shorter than the REAL MM1. He is also about 30 pounds lighter.]
R"tr"A: Introducing first, from Parts Unknown, weighing at a combined 500 pounds..... (Rick has a confused look on his face and mutters, "I thought they were around 550...")
[They continue on their way to the ring, being verbally abused by the fans near the railing the whole way. They don't hardly even acknowledge the fans as they make it to the ring. Their demeanor comes off like they could care less if they were there of not. But they make to the ring, and enter.]
R"tr"A: Here are..... T H E M Y S T E R Y T E A M
[But the Mystery Team never makes it out of the blocks..]
LV: THE STALLIONS!!! THE STALLIONS FROM BEHIND THE CURTAIN, WITH STEEL CHAIRS!!!
LV: The Stallions are taking the fight right to the Mystery Team!
MS: That's the training of Mr. Z. He has Horse and Bronco ready to destroy! And speaking of Mr. Z, where is he?
LV: I don't know, but I do know that the referee is powerless to do anything, the bell hasn't rung yet.
MS: The big man, Bronco, dumps one of the Mystery Men over the railing. And Crazy Horse goes to the top.... OHMIGOD!!! CORKSCREW PLANCHA ON THE OTHER MYSTERY MAN!!! HORSE IS INSANE!!!
LV: Here comes Steel Cage!!
[And indeed, Sean and Michael Cage are out, and racing towards the ring, that is, until...]
MS: MR. Z!!!
[Indeed, it is Mr. Z, who has emerged from behind the curtain with a champagne bottle and chilling bucket. The former was used to smash into the head of Sean Cage, while the latter is dented from impacting with the skull of Michael Cage.]
LV: The Stallions have taken the advantage early on here! The Mystery Men are on the outside, and now the Stallions are targeting Steel Cage.
MS: They bring Michael, the smaller of Steel Cage into the ring. It looks like this match is finally going to start!
LV: And now the match is...
[Suddenly, the familiar sounds of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana fill the area, and the crowd answers with a face pop.]
MS: What the hell is going on now?
LV: Listen to the music, it could only be one team!
[Red and blue fireworks fire up from the entrance, and out steps the reigning UEW Television Tag Team Champions, "Iceman" Michael Ice and "Red Hot" Alex Perkins, the team of Fire and Ice. The duo make their way to the ring, giving high fives to all the fans they can, before they slide into the ring. They are both in street clothes, obviously not ready to wrestle, though they do of course have the titles wrapped around their waists. Ice and Perkins soak in the cheers for a bit, before Ice asks for and receives a microphone.]
MI: This is a bit of a change, isn't it?
AP: Yeah, looks like we're not gonna be quite as busy as we thought we were.
MI: So, this is now a triangle match. And the winner now gets a shot at the title of their choice, as opposed to our titles specifically.
AP: This is upsetting.
MI: You know, we could come out here like every team has, and ask what _any_ of these teams have done to earn this shot. But I digress...
MI: But if this is the way it's going to be, this is the way it's going to be.
AP: And we'll even conform to this crap.
MI: Alex... Whoever this president is, you made this match happen, and you'll get it. And you'll get it _clean_.
AP: Because you just got yourself a couple of ringside enforcers.
MS: What? No way, Mr. Z, get those idiots out of here!!!
LV: Mr. Z can do nothing to stop this Max.
MI: That's right. We may not have match making power, and we may never get the respect we've consistently earned here in UEW. But if this is the way it's going to be, this is the way it's going to be.
AP: And Crazed Animals, you'll get yours soon.
[Fire and Ice leave the ring and take ringside seats not too far from the commentating table.]
LV: The UEW Television Champions staying out here, to make sure this match is fair.
MS: This is just awful. How could they do this? Mr. Z has to do something!
[Crazy Horse starts the match for the Stallions, while Michael Cage begins the match for his team. Crazy Horse sends Cage to the ropes, and bounces off the opposite rope, connecting with a stunning spin wheel kick. With Cage down, Horse makes it to the top rope, and connects solidly with a senton bomb. Horse is quick to his feet again, and whips Cage towards the ropes. The veteran Horse however, swivels in mid-step, and swerves Cage around, so that he ends up flying into the corner, and smacks right into the much larger Sean Cage.]
MS: Horse proving why he's been one half of the Ultimate tag team champions, and the UEW Television Tag Team Champions.
LV: Yes, but one has to wonder why Horse isn't tagging in to Bronco. Crazy Horse seems content to continue working on Cage, he should tag out.
MS: Its all strategy, something you wouldn't understand.
[On the outside, The Mystery Men are mocking the other two teams, hurling insults and taunts at both the Stallions and Steel Cage.]
MS: Look at those two! They're riling up the other teams. Smart strategy, get everyone unfocused, then win.
[Horse locks up with Cage, and brings him to the mat with a Russian Legsweep. With Cage holding his neck in pain, Crazy Horse brings him up, and sends him into the corner. Horse follows it up with a hard drop kick to the back of the head, which causes Cage's head to bounce off the corner.
Horse scrambles up behind him, and brings Cage down to the mat with a
tornado DDT. Crazy Horse is quick to go for the cover]
LV: SEAN CAGE IN THE RING! HE BREAKS UP THE PIN!!!
MS: And here comes Bronco!
LV: But the referee intercepts Bronco, and forces him back to the corner. Mr. Z starts to complain, but Ice pulls him off the apron! The champs decided there would be no outside interference, and they mean it.
[As Bronco complains about the break up of the pin, and the treatment of Mr. Z, Crazy Horse is sent into Steel Cage's corner. Sean Cage holds Horse, while Michael bounces off the ropes, nailing Horse in the stomach with a shoulder block. Sean grabs Horse by the throat, and hoists him up, bringing him down to the mat, and dropping him across his knee, in a combination backbreaker/chokeslam. Horse lays on the mat helplessly, as the referee finally turns around, forcing the larger Cage to the apron.]
LV: That really took a lot out of Crazy Horse. Even the resilient Stallion is going to need to get out of there soon.
MS: Look at the Mystery Men! MM2 is screaming to be let in. But he is doing it by insulting Cage.
MM2 is brought in when Cage decks him in the jaw. A move that the referee recognizes as a legal tag. MM2, still dazed, is pulled over the top rope by Cage, who then goes to his corner. MM2, still disoriented, walks right into a superkick by Crazy Horse.]
LV: God, he caught him right on the jaw!
MS: Horse is looking to tag out. He spins around, and tags... Sean Cage!
LV: Rather odd move from The Stallion, as he tags in someone other than his partner.
[MM2 is brought to his feet by the massive Cage, who sets him up, and then drops him into a powerbomb. Cage moves slowly and methodically over MM2, who begs off. Cage, stalks him around the ring, unwittingly following MM2 into Steel Cage's corner. Cage finally gets his hands on MM2, locking him in a bear hug. But the crafty MM2 reaches out, and slaps the other Cage in the face.]
LV: That was a tag, its Cage against Cage!
MS: What is going to happen now?
[The two Cages lock up in the middle of the ring. The two of them then break, and circle one another. Then they lock up, break, and lock up again. This happens a half dozen times, the two Cages stalling. That is, until Crazy Horse can take no more. The truly suicidal Stallion mounts the top rope..]
LV: Horse launches himself at Steel Cage!!!
MS: THEY CAUGHT HIM!!!
[And sure enough, the two Cages hold Horse in the air, before bringing him down.]
LV: DOUBLE SPINE BUSTER!!!!
[Suddenly, the referee sends Michael Cage, the first person Horse's body came into contact with, out of the ring.]
MS: WHAT THE HELL? HE IS COUNTING THAT AS A TAG!!!!!
LV: Yes, he is, and with Horse damn near dead, Cage rolls in to make the cover!
MS: Bronco breaks it up! The referee is trying to get Bronco out of the ring. Here comes MM1!! He is stomping away on Horse... Bronco spins the referee around! He is demanding that the referee count that as a tag too!!
LV: And the referee is. The legal men are now Sean Cage, and Mystery Man Number One!
[Bronco helps Horse back to their corner, as Cage and MM1 lock up.]
LV: You notice something different about MM1 Max?
MS: Yeah, he seems shorter...
LV: And heavier...
[Sean Cage sends MM1 to the ropes, but he is reversed, and caught with a boot to the stomach that doubles him over. The shorter MM1, in an incredible display of strength, lifts Cage up, and drops him to the mat with a massive brain buster. MM1 is quick to capitalize, with a cover]
LV: KICKOUT.. WAIT... WHAT'S HAPPENING...
MS: THE CROWD IS GOING INSANE!!!
[Just as MM1 has a two count on Sean Cage, a voice is heard throughout Sanford Stadium. The voice is that of Gorilla, one half of the Ultimate tag champs! The ref stops the count, and all 6 wrestlers in the ring stop, trying to figure out what is going on.....]
Gorilla: Hey guys!!! Mystery Team, Steel Cage, Stallions........UP HERE.....
[The camera finally spots Gorilla, standing on the bridge overlooking the stadium on the west side. A spotlight from inside the stadium picks him up as he is SURROUNDED by UEW fans, and other poor University of Georgia students. Gorilla has his UEW ULTIMATE TAG TITLE draped across his shoulder.
The wrestlers in the ring finally spot him, as do the fans, and everyone
turns their attention to Gorilla on the bridge...]
Gorilla> This match has to be the most pathetic display of so-called "talent" that the UEW has ever thrown out there. First off, you have a team of a former basketball player and hockey player in Steel Cage. I guess they figured out they didn't want to be swamped in the mid-card of the MINOR LEAGUES so they gave up their "real sports" to come to the UEW. Very noble of you guys!
[the crowd give a small laugh at the line about Steel Cage].
Gorilla> Then you have a couple of idiots that have not proven anything in the UEW since they returned in the Stallions. Yeah, boys. You MAY be former champs, you may be "legends" in UEW.....but one thing you aren't are the CURRENT tag champs, because that title belongs to me and the Doc!
[The crowd gives a decent pop at the mention of the Crazed Animals being the Ultimate tag champs.]
Gorilla> And last but not least, the team we ALL love to hate, the Mystery Team. Hey Cage, you claim that you know who they are....you claim that WE...the Crazed Animals are the Mystery Team? Well, buddy, that would be kinda hard for that to be the case, since I am up here, and the Mystery Team is down there. But Mystery Team, I really DO know who you are......YOU ARE STEEL CAGE? RIGHT?
[The fans crack up at Gorilla making fun of Sean Cage's idea that Gorilla was a Mystery Man.]
Gorilla> Well, boys, I am sorry to interrupt your match, but I just wanted to say that you can beat the living snot out of each other for all Doc and I care. We just hope the winner of this match has the ....... well, you know ..... to step up and challenge us for the Ultimate titles. Because, if you do, you will have the chance to be "WELCOMED TO THE JUNGLE......AND YOU WILL DIE!!!!!"
[As Gorilla finishes his last line, the Mystery Team attacks the distracted Sean Cage. Both Mystery Men are in the ring, and they double team Sean Cage. Michael Cage jumps into the ring, as all four men begin to battle it out.]
LV: All control for this match has been lost!
MS: And look at the Stallions, Z is keeping them on the apron, just letting them relax. This match is an elimination match, they only have to get the last pin, not all of them! This is great!
[Steel Cage and the Mystery Team battle it out. MM2 is working over Michael Cage in the corner, while Sean Cage is taking the fight to MM1. At last, MM1 is sent over the top rope, and onto the concrete floor. Sean Cage spins MM1 around, and nails him with a discus punch that sends him staggering. While Sean lifts MM1 up into a suplex, Michael goes to the top... and everyone knows what comes next!]
LV: MY GOD!! ITS OVER!!!!
RTRA: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN... THE MYSTERY TEAM HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!!
LV: It will be either Steel Cage, or the Stallions who win this.
MS: What a wild match so far, what more could happen?
[Crazy Horse, the work horse for the Stallions tonight, makes his way into the ring. He is met by a big boot to the face from Sean Cage, and, simultaneous to that, a clip from behind from Michael. Horse goes down. But the celebration of Steel Cage is short lived]
MS: BRONCO! BRONCO IS IN!!!
LV: Bronco tackles Michael Cage, Uranage Suplex! He drove Cage into the mat. Sean Cage from behind, but Bronco doesn't feel it. Powerbomb on Sean Cage. Bronco is exploding. He lifts Michael Cage over his head...
MS: MICHAEL CAGE THROUGH THE SPANISH ANNOUNCER'S TABLE!!!
LV: Bronco makes his way to the apron. You know what Max, you were right! I can see the strategy here. No one is more resilient than Crazy Horse. They are keeping Mad Bronco fresh, and relying on the endurance of Horse to carry them to the victory.
MS: I told you, never, ever underestimate Mr. Z!
[Inside the ring, Crazy Horse bounces off the ropes, and drops an elbow into the chest of the massive Sean Cage. Then, Horse lifts Cage by his hair, and sends him to the ropes. Horse finds his Irish Whip reversed however, and finds himself the recipient of a clothesline that turns him in the air.]
LV: Clothesline from Hell!
MS: OHMYGOD.. YOU KILLED CRAZY!!! YOU BASTARDS!!!
[Now that all manner of copyright laws have been broken, Sean Cage brings Horse up, and lifts him by the arm pits, heaving him halfway across the ring, where the smaller Horse lands back first against the turnbuckle, before slumping to the ground in pain.]
MS: Steel Cage firmly in control now, as Sean Cage moves into the corner. He lifts Horse up, he is choking Horse with his boot!
LV: And Horse is helpless to stop him. Cage drags him into Steel Cage's corner. And tags out to Michael, who still seems a bit dazed from the attack by Mad Bronco a few minutes ago.
[After a quick tag, Sean Cage drops Horse to the mat with a piledriver, which Michael spikes for added effect. Then, Horse is pulled into the corner again, as both men stomp and punch Horse into a pulp.]
LV; Oh god, don't start that Max!
MS: Its in puhlic, if you weel!
[Michael Cage motions to his partner, who lifts Horse up. Michael goes for the top rope.]
MS: Oh god, we've seen this before.
LV: If they hit the Final Shot again, this is all over!
MS: Save him Bronco!
[But, as it turns out, the resourceful Crazy Horse need not be saved, as he manages to, at the last minute, slip out of the hold, and slide behind Sean Cage. Showing off his ring savvy, he moves Sean into the way of Michael, who has already leapt, and the two members of Steel Cage collide with one another. Michael stands up, and looks at his partner, while Horse rolls him up from behind.]
LV: KICK OUT! MY GOD, CRAZY HORSE ALMOST PULLED THAT OFF!!
[Crazy Horse, somewhat spent from all the exertion, rolls into his corner, and tags in Mad Bronco.]
MS: Bronco is fresh! No one has even touched him this entire match. He has Sean Cage up, and he tosses him over the tope rope...
[Crazy Horse, who still has something left, sees Cage on the floor, and mounts the top rope. With utter disregard for his body, Crazy Horse leaps...]
LV: HURRICANRANA ON THE FLOOR!!!!
[The fans erupt, chanting "UEW" over and over again.]
MS: My god, Crazy Horse is _crazy_ he just killed himself to kill Sean Cage. Both men are out on the concrete.
[And in the ring, Michael is faring no better against Mad Bronco, who whips him into the corner, and follows in with a massive clothesline. Then, Bronco climbs up to the second rope, and grabs Cage by the hair, pulling him towards him.]
LV: Here it comes!!
[With a greater elevation, Bronco hoists Cage up into the air]
RTRA: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, STEEL CAGE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED, THAT MEANS THAT THE WINNERS ARE...
LV: My god, what a match.
MS: And it all came down to team work. The Stallions had a plan, and stuck to it!
LV: Yes, it looks like the Stallions truly deserve the moniker "legend"
[Ice and Perkins stand their ringside seats, Ice grabs a mic, and the TV Tag Champs roll into the ring. Immediately a staredown occurs between the Suicidal Stallions and the UEW Television Tag Team Champions. Ice points down at the title around waist.]
MI: You guys want a shot at these... say the magic word and it's yours.
[Pop! Ice drops the mic, and Fire and Ice leave the ring to massive cheers from the crowd.]
LV: Quite a challenge from Fire and Ice.
MS: Yeah, but now its time to head to the Hamptons, and have a celebration.
And trust me, Mr. Z knows how to celebrate!