|The Liberal Librarian|
|Real name||Joseph Paul Paynter|
|Date of birth||1972|
|Place of birth||Flint, MI|
|Date of death|
|Place of death|
|Resides||Happy Hill Gardens Federal Housing Project High-Rise, Braddock, TX|
|Billed from||Boston, MA|
|Trainer|| Michael Moore |
Hillary Rodham Clinton
The Liberal Librarian, AKA The Lib, (born Joseph Paul Paynter on September 6, 1972) is an American librarian, political activist, television personality, restauranteur, cult-leader and former professional wrestler most famous for wrestling for the WNWA. It was assumed Paynter perished with his flock at the Libtown Massacre, though his body nor the body of his cat Tybalt were recovered. Officials now believe he escaped but his whereabouts are unknown.
The Liberal Librarian is a pacifist, unless he feels that someone is a conservative. He is a librarian turned wrestler. He underwent this transformation as a way to "Liberalize" the conservative South. The Liberal Librarian is heavily involved with Democratic politics and knows that unless the conservative South can be swayed, the Liberals will never dominate American politics. Since he thinks that Southern culture and wrestling are synonymous, Paynter took up this challenge.
His earliest years were care free as both parents had high paying union jobs at General Motors Flint, MI plant and he had his first cousin Carl Ruboldt as a playmate. However, things soured when his uncle (Reuben's father) had to flee the area beacuae of dodging the Vietnam War draft. He would only see his cousin sporadically until later in life. After this devastating event, Paynter faced more adversity as both his parents were laid off from the General Motors plant when he was five. His father left, and his mother, Rhonda, soon found companionship with another woman, Lakeesha. His only friend at this time was Michael Moore--who offered his friendship as long as gave him his lunch money.
When Paynter was fourteen, his father Jody won custody of him and he moved to Gary, IN to live with his father and his father's same sex-partner Rufus. Paynter recounts that during this period of his life, he routinely blacked-out after he consumed drinks provided by his father or Rufus and woke up the next day with a sore anus--though the he attributes the black-outs to stress.
At seventeen in 1989, Paynter enrolled at Earlham College in Richmond, IN, earning a bachelor's degree, then a Master's Degree both in Women's Studies. He then enrolled at Clark Atlanta University and studied Library Science and African American studies.
With all these highly useful degrees, Paynter still questions why he has trouble finding meaningful employment. It was his near welfare status, that motivated the Liberal Librarian to pursue more income by only victimizing the unimportant, "white women". Paynter began work on a scheme along with Nigerian attorney Daniel O. Agbor to make money by enslaving white women and sending them to Nigeria. Paynter made his wrestling debut as The Liberal Librarian in July 2006 as part of Agbor's Agbor & Associates group.
At the WNWA Legends Reunion pay per view in August 2006, The Liberal Librarian turned on his partner Sam Bash and joined Bob Osborne's rogue faction, the Back Stage World Order (bsWo). He has been involved in a bitter feud with Bash since, almost always with the help of his new partner, The Lummox.
On December 12, 2006 The Liberal Librarian and The Lummox were fired from the bsWo by Thunderlips and savagely beaten by The Insiders. On December 15, The Lib, The Lummox, and 9th Circuit Court of Appeals Judge William J. Jennings demanded a recount of the members of the bsWo. Osborne and Bone Saw McGraw voted to keep them in the group, but Cyrius Suk, Horatio Hernandez and Thunderlips voted to kick them out and then threw Jennings and The Lib in a pool and urinated in it. The Insiders then threw a helpless Lummox, who was locked in the Lib's Toyota Prius, into the swimming pool.
Following a brutal attack by Sam Bash at Season's Beatings in which he was continuously shocked with a defbrillator and the death of Saddam Hussein, The Lib announced that he would be taking some time off to recover both mentally and physically. The Lib returned to action at the January 9, 2007 edition of WNWA Wrestling with a new bodyguard The Turd. The Lib interfered in a match enabling Billy Bell to defeat Tony Fanuci. Bell and his brother Bobby Bell have joined forces with The Vagrants and The Lib and The Lummox to form the stable Frustrated Inc.
On January 19, 2007 at a house show in Boaz, AL, Frustrated Inc. defeated Team Agbor to win the World Tag Team Championship in controversial fashion. Team Agbor were announced as the winners but the decision was overturned by Judge Jennings and the 9th Circuit Court due to the fact that The Lummox and The Nigerian Nightmare both had their shoulders counted down but Jennings claimed the Lummox had his foot under the bottom rope. There is no video evidence to support this claim, however, WNWA President J.R. Ewing was powerless to stop the Court's ruling.
Frustrated Inc. lost the titles to Team Agbor at February Free For All in an Anus Explosion Death Match. However, Judge Jennings once again ruled in the favor of Frustrated Inc. and said that the titles could not change hands in that type of match. Therefore, he returned the titles to Frustrated Inc.
The Lib was named by Judge Jennings (to the protestations of J.R. Ewing) as one of the participants in the WNWA World Heavyweight Championship Tournament on February 27, 2007. On the March 13, 2007 edition of WNWA Wrestling, The Lib defeated The Turd by disqualification to advance to the second round. The match was a sham as The Turd got himself intentionally disqualified by attacking referee Rick Clark. In the second round of the tournament The Lib defeated The Lummox in another sham match, this time mocking the deceased Thunderlips by acting out the classic Thunderlips vs. Andre The Lummox match. Finally, The Lib advanced to the finals of the tournament after Dale Taylor was arrested for a hate crime against Antonio Davis while on his way to the ring for his semi-final match against The Lib. The Lib lost to Ass Butte in the finals at Memorial Day Massacre. Shortly before the finals, The Lib's cousin, Carl Reubens (AKA Yeti), came back into his life after taking a job at a nearby library. The Lib quickly hired him as a member of Frustrated Inc. and to act as his stand-in/body double.
In a bit of a side feud, The Lib has been taunting the down-on-his-luck Tony Fanuci. After waking from a coma, Fanuci made his in-ring return at Season's Beatings against Bobby Bell. The Lib attacked Fanuci during the match causing him to lose. Later in the show Fanuci, Big Vulva and Vinny Two Chins returned the favor costing Frustrated Inc. a match against The Insiders. Since then, Fanuci has been humiliated time after time by members of Frustrated Inc, and was forced into signing with the group in March 2007. After yet another loss, The Lib forced Fanuci to use The Rolling Stones' "C*cksucker Blues" as his entrance music. Not finding that humiliating enough, he forced him to use Patrick Swayze's "She's Like The Wind." Also, the two have been engaged in a bit of a war on the popular Website MySpace.com in recent weeks. He has also forced Fanuci to become a man-whore to the very pregnant Ms. Shitifa and other obese women, forcing him to perform the most vile acts of sexual perversion. After Fanuci lost to Frustrated Inc. at Memorial Day Massacre, Frustrated Inc. took ownership of Fanuci's burned out, beloved Strasburg Pizza and Subs Restaurant and relocated it to Braddock, TX changing the name to An Inconvenient Cafe and donating a portion of all sales to the Hillary Clinton for President campaign and to Planned Parenthood.
The devastation of losing in the finals of the WNWA World Heavyweight Championship tournament at Memorial Day Massacre was eased when Judge William J. Jennings granted him the United Nations/American Civil Liberties Union International Human Rights and World Peace Heavyweight Wrestling Championship immediately following Memorial Day Massacre. The Lib and Jennings then threw the self-proclaimed "Party of the Century": Libapalooza to celebrate his championship. This night of debauchery has led some to question whether The Lib is taking human growth hormones, as a box of steroids were delivered to him during the event. He has also added about 60 lbs of muscle mass to his frame in the past year. The Lib vehemently denies these allegations and has come out with a line of "all natural herbal" supplements called "Libotine- the all natural way to pack on muscle!"
The Lib remained the number one contender for the World Heavyweight Championship and faced Ass Butte in a rematch with both Butte's and The Lib's championships on the line in a Title vs. Title Hell in the Cell match at UnCivil War. Butte was victorious in this brutal match thanks to help from "Richard Nixon" who came into the cell through the bottom of the ring and severely injured The Lib with a spinebuster on the steel ring steps that had been brought into the ring. Butte then scored the pin on a blood soaked Lib after a Butte Bomb on the steps.
The Lib, though bloody, beaten and broken immediately challenged Butte to a Three Stages of Hell Match for ILL Gotten Gains at the post PPV news conference. Butte agreed to the challenge with the three matches being a Texas Bullrope Match, a TLC Match, and a Last Ride Match if necessary. Butte also demanded that this be a Do or Die match for The Lib, meaning if he did not win this match he would never get another shot at the title as long as Butte held it. The Lib won the match thanks to interference from his slave, Tony Fanuci. The Lib suffered several severe injuries in this bout and missed considerable time due to his injuries.
On July 23, 2007, The Lib discovered that his UN/ACLU title was missing. Evidently, David Downs took it during the post-match confusion at UnCivil War. The Lib recovered the belt, but not after Downs managed to deface it by spray painting "ADA Speshul Olimpiks Champeun" on it. The Lib brought swift justice down on Downs, hitting him with a Cut and Run at Braddock County Public Library and taking the belt back. After winning the World Heavyweight Championship, The Lib threw the UN title out the back of an ambulance and said it was worthless. Downs was seen picking it up from the road.
The Lib defeated Gail Donnelly to win the WNWA Women's Championship during an intergender match at November Nightmare.
During the summer of 2007, Sam Bash and The Lib have rekindled their bitter feud with Bash losing to The Lib in a three way dance and again in a one-on-one match on episodes of WNWA Wrestling. At Season's Beatings 2007 Bash defeated The Lib in a squash, thinking he had captured the title, however, Judge Jennings revealed that the match was for the Women's Championship and Bash refused the title.
Since winning the title, the Lib has been corrupted by the power of being World Champion and associated with the powerful Judge William J. Jennings. When not campaigning for Hillary Clinton, the Liberal Librarian is seen backstage wearing his "Jim Jones" sunglasses while drinking alcohol in excess, sniffing Jenkem, swallowing massive amounts of Libotine, barbituates, quaaludes, codeine, amphetamines and eating sugar-cubes (that he also calls energy boosters--though they look like LSD). Although the Lib has quickly gained a cult like following among the members of Frustrated Inc. and Da Brothas, his once chiseled physique has quickly become quite saggy.
After rescuing Curtis Lowe from Tyrone Jefferson Davis, Lowe procalimed The Lib the new Messiah. The Lib, at first taken aback by this comment due to his hatred of Christianity, has since accepted the mantle and has begun preaching at Lowe's church. He has conducted several "healing" services and claims to have supernatural powers.
Personal Life and views
- The Liberal Librarian is a staunch liberal and blames all the world's problems on conservatives and white Christian men. He hates all white men except for the Lummox and The Vagrants and he especially hates the South except for what he calls "Colored Culture". He is very good friends with Curtis Lowe, Da Brothas and Ms. Shitifa. He is an adamant atheist, but supports all religions except Christianity. The Liberal Librarian is openly bisexual.
- The Liberal Librarian has contacted Cindy Sheehan in support of her protests of the Iraq War. After months of trying, she finally contacted him asking "What?!?!!?" and "Sorry about your anus."
- When not battling his conservative opponents in the ring, he works full time at Braddock County Public Library in the Reference Department. He is a snitch for the liberals who run that establishment and is committed to freedom of speech and fighting the Patriot Act. He does this by allowing known sex-offenders to utilize the computers in the library to view pornography and allowing vagrants, the homeless, and known felons to loiter within the library all day. It is alleged that he is complicit in their crime. He has been known to alert sex offenders veiwing pornography on the computers that their parole officer was approaching. He has allegedly erased surveillance video tapes which reveal criminal acts committed in the library. He is accused of pointing out unattended purses for the criminals to steal. Recently he has been granted a fellowship to research library services for the homeless and registered sex offenders.
- The Liberal Librarian has a strange fetish in which he likes to leave Cleveland Steamers on his opponents' chest after defeating them. He is also into scat porn.
- The Liberal Librarian has one cat named Kibbles.
- The Liberal Librarian is the host of the variety news hour Liberal Morning on OIL TV. The show is held live every weekday morning from the OIL TV Studio. The show features live musical performances by the Moonbat Band. On July 5, 2007 The Lib announced on his MySpace.com blog that he has signed a contract to simulcast Liberal Morning on GLBTV. The Lib announced that he has a new co-host for the show, Gail Donnelly, The Lib's former live-in girlfriend. The two have since parted company.
- Like his hero Hillary Rodham Clinton, The Liberal Librarian uses Celine Dion's "You and I" as his theme song. He formerly used Neil Young's "Living With War" as his entrance music. When wrestling with The Lummox they use Soul Asylum's "Misery."
- Frequently works security for various liberal causes: anti-war rallies, Democratical Presidential Candidate appearances, Rainbow Coalition events, etc. It is from these that he claims to have past experience as a "street-fighter."
- Though the Liberal Librarian hates anything Southern, he does like the Dixie Chicks.
- The Liberal Librarian wrestles in a thong with a front "skirt flap." This attire enables him to perform his various Cleveland Steamer based finishing maneuvers.
- The Liberal Librarian posted the following advertisement in the trading section of the monthly WNWA Newsletter "Broken Bones & Pride" (December 2006 ed).
"2006 TOYOTA Prius, white, 55mpg, keyless entry, full pwr, 6 cd, w/warr. All options, leather, everything nearly works. 2,500 miles. Almost looks and almost runs perfect, new tires, one owner--Full tank of gas. Car has slight water damage, slight vandalism, a couple of scratches, slight wear & tear. Will need slight repair before fully useable. $19,995--Negotiable. Liberal Librarian 336-335-5430."
- Idolizes James Carville and dreams of one day forming a tag team with the "Ragin' Cajun"
- Has recently expressed a deep admiration for the teachings of Jim Jones.
- Is madly in love with his cousin, The Yeti's committment partner Jody Boskivitz. His unrequited love for her may be one reason for his heavy drug abuse and apparent descent into madness.
- One time WNWA World Heavyweight Champion.
- Two time WNWA World Tag Team Champion.
- One time United Nations/American Civil Liberties Union International Human Rights and World Peace Heavyweight Wrestling Champion.
- One time WNWA Women's Champion
- Finishing and signature moves
- Cut and Run (Jumping Cutter)
- Liberal Leg Drop
- Cleveland Steamer (defecates onto opponent's chest or into their open mouth)
- Late-Term Abortion (double boot stomp on gut)
- Cross-Face Left-Wing (Cross-face chicken-wing)
- Regular moves
- Open handed slap
- Low blow
- Eye rake
Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.